Drabbles: Satire by the Sea
We challenged our authors to come up with drabble based on our next anthology theme, the Sea. But this time I wanted them to satirical or humorous.
The only requirements were it must be 100 words, it must involve water and be humorous in nature. Here is what the top five came up with! We hope you enjoy.
Like what you see? Don't forget to check out these authors' links and profiles.
Talking Fish by Andrew Kurtz
As I was walking home, I passed a store with a big sign.
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO ANYONE WHO CAN BRING ME A TALKING FISH.
I was excited and ran straight over to the beach. I looked around and spotted my prey.
A half hour later, I returned to the store and told the owner that I found what he was looking for.
He said that the sign was a joke and that talking fish do not exist.
I brought in Mrs. Fish, soaking wet in her bathing suit and demanding our money.
I split the money with her.
I have always loved horror since I was a child. I watched all the movies and read some books. Now, I am much more into it and read a tremendous amount of books as well as write stories. I was born in Brooklyn and have a BA and a Masters Degree in Psychology.
Charybdis by Terrence McKinnies
Mommy said, “Don't be scared, Grady. The water is fine.”
But this is not the water I know and drink. This weird pool was something other.
I don't like the sound of it cascading down and forming foam.
Where's daddy? Daddy wouldn't do this to me. She's going to put me in this cauldron. Leave me to die. Sacrifice me to some pagan god.
I didn't mean to make her angry. I didn't know the mud was bad.
Daddy's head pops in the door. He will save me.
“Giving the dog a bath?” he says.
My tail no longer wags.
Terrence McKinnies is an educator of younglings who in the brief moments of his lunch break or lesson planning time may scribble down a story with what sanity is spare. If you rather hear his voice, you can catch him as a guest speaker with the girls of the "Paranormal Percentage" podcast on their recent Mothman episode.
From the Sea by Chisto Healy
It wasn’t the giant cat that rose from the depths of the sea that had the crew of the ship so frightened. It was quite the spectacle for sure, all fluff and stripes with retractable claws that could slice straight through the hull of the ship. Still, it was not any of this that they feared.
The giant feline that leaned over them in the crashing waves had been continuously coughing, and anyone that had ever had a cat knew exactly what that meant. They knew the sound, the gagging. A hairball that size would kill them all.
Chisto Healy turned to writing full-time at the start of quarantine in March and has already had 40 stories published. He lives in NC with his amazing, talented family, and loves connecting with readers and other authors
The Fear by David Green
Hold them below the stream. Feel its scolding heat sear away the dirt. The filth.
For God’s sake, rub them for all your life is worth.
Think of your family. That old woman who turned into your aisle in the supermarket.
Better. You’re working so hard the skin is scraping away. Even though you wore a mask, and gloves, and no-one got within twenty metres of you, let alone two, I sense your FEAR.
Wash those hands, clean them good. Your life depends on it, though your sanity disappears with the scalding water down the drain.
David Green is a fiction writer living in County Galway, Ireland. Having been told repeatedly of having a fear of clowns that he can't remember when growing up, David still isn't sure about his feelings on them, but felt ready to write about all things horror and circus related. David has been published online with Nymphs and Ink Pantry, and in print with Nocturnal Faeries and Black Hare Press.
All At Sea by S.O. Green
They bought the figurehead from an enchanter of some renown. It promised the ‘confirmation of wise voyages’.
They asked it if they would find their fortune and cheered when it answered, “Yes, Captain!”
They surged north and asked if gold and jewels lay ahead. Again, they cheered when it replied, “Yes, Captain!”
And when the clouds coiled tight and turned black, when the winds howled and the rain lashed, they asked if they would sail true through the storm.
“Yes, Captain!” it roared. They cheered their loudest and pressed on.
Because no one aboard knew what a ‘yes man’ was.
Simone Oldman Green has been published in short story anthologies by Dragon Soul Press, Otter Libris, Rogue Blades, Storgy Magazine, L Ellington Ashton Press and Black Hare Press. They also won 3rd Place in the British Fantasy Society’s Short Story Contest 2018. Writer, vegan, martial artist, gamer, occasionally a terrible person (but only to fictional people). Find them at https://thebasementoflove.blogspot.com/